如果 · 爱我的天父

《如果》

（人）如果我的存在只像划过夜空的流星
为什么我总梦想永恒
如果我的出现只是一个意外的巧合
为什么我渴望被爱
谁能听见我听见我，我内心深处的呐喊
谁能告诉我告诉我，到哪里去寻找真爱

如果我的存在只像划过夜空的流星
为什么我总梦想永恒
如果我的出现只是一个意外的巧合
为什么我渴望被爱
谁能听见我听见我，我内心深处的呐喊
谁能告诉我告诉我，到哪里去寻找真爱
请告诉我

（耶稣）如果你的存在只像划过夜空的流星
我不会为你苦苦等待
如果你的出现只是一个意外的巧合
我不会用性命来换
你可了解我了解我，我因思念你心破碎
你可知道我知道我，我对你的爱永不变

（合）谁能听见我(可了解我)听见我(了解我)
我内心深处的呐喊(为你心破碎)
谁能告诉我(可知道我)告诉我(知道我)
到哪里去寻找真爱(对你爱不变)

如果我的生命不是一颗短暂的流星


摘自music.kuanye.net


朋友们， 你们找到自己了吗？ 找到自己的存在的原因吗？ 耶稣说：“如果你的存在只像划过夜空的流星， 我不会为你苦苦等待； 如果你的出现只是一个意外的巧合， 我不会用性命来换。” 耶稣爱你们每一个人，甚至愿意牺牲自己来换取你们的性命。因此， 你们的存在不是一个巧合， 不是一个意外， 而是上帝创造了你， 在特地的时刻创造特特别的你……

曾经， 我也找不到自己存在的原因， 至到认识了主， 我决定， 我一生都要为他而活……

虽然自己做了不少令主不喜悦的事， 虽然自己有个黑暗的背景， 可是主不丢弃我， 反而一直呼唤我的归来。 今年的青年主日， 我不但被安排负责事工简报的幻灯片（power point), 也被安排在崇拜分享自己的见证。 主啊， 我做了多少令您不喜悦的事， 为什么你还是让我承担如此的重担？ 难道……

突然， 感受到温暖， 主肯定我的存在， 肯定我这位女儿的存在。

主啊， 我愿为您而活， 我愿一生服侍您， 永远事奉您。

朋友， 这是你要找的歌吗？

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~updated at 1.00pm~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

世界因你我而不一样， 是今年青年主日的主题。 怎样使世界不一样呢？ “我们爱， 因为神先爱我们” 爱，扮演了重大的角色， 而这份爱是从上帝而来的。

这么碰巧， 我找到了《如果》这首歌， 感谢主， 我的朋友曾多次问我是否有听过这首歌， 我找到了， 也把歌词po上去（参考以上），没想到， 今天说讲的道， 竟然是息息相关！真叫我惊叹不已， 神的能力再次在不注意的情况下显现！我因为听了那首歌才写下我今早的见证分享， 虽然我自认我的分享并未真正突现我的要点（其实连我自己都不会知道自己在讲什么），甚至还说到舌头打结（虽然有稿查考）， 下台后， 我觉得好愧疚， 因为我是临时抱佛脚才拼出来的稿， 觉得自己很对不起上帝。 可是， 今天陈传道所分享的道安慰了我许多。

“上帝不会因为你犯错了而不爱你， 上帝不会因为你远离他而丢弃你，
因为，
他是爱你的天父，他是永不丢弃你的天父”

我的确是犯错了， 我的确是远离了他， 我已经很久没有好好和他沟通了……可是透过今天的事奉，我发觉他没有丢弃我， 他没有离开我， 因为他肯定我， 他透过我的嘴来宣扬他在我生命中的影响， 虽然我真的觉得自己做的不好。 谢谢主席和牧师给我的肯定…

在此， 我将《爱我的天父》与大家共勉之。

《爱我的天父》

有位爱我的天父
他永远不放弃我
他爱的同在使我完全
我深知他顾念着我
我知他顾念着我

在许多危难时刻
在流泪的过程
你永不离开或丢弃我
我深知你顾念着我
我知你顾念着我

吸引我，贴近你心
拥抱在你怀里
我爱你，我的天父
你是我的一切
吸引我，贴近你心
拥抱在你怀里
我爱你，我的天父
你是我的一切

Been "shot "

Don't worry, is not my body have been shot, is my heart. Somebody break my heart? No...I already mention in the topic above, my heart has "shot"....

This is my first time to have this terrible feeling this year, the most TERRIBLE presentation I even had. My mind now is blank out, I don't know what should I think now....

I just know during that time, I felt very unsatisfied, I wanted to give up, I wish I can just leave and go back to my seat! But I can't, it is our wrong, our fault for not preparing ourselves enough, that is why we be shot by lots and lots questions, and we could not exactly answered them.

Why? Why can't I think fast? Why? Why can't I just explain it with a simpler way? Somehow I saw something, somehow I realize something, but I could not arrange my words to explain it. Why am I so poor in this? How should I become a teacher in the future?

Maybe we did not think much about it, that is why we could not achieve the requirement in the end. I really don't know what to say to defend our group, I was speechless that time although I felt disagree, I don't know what should I say, I could not argue!

The feeling is awful, is terrible! And now I don't know what should I write now...Looks like sometimes blogging does not help to release someone's mind, it may get the things, the feeling worst....

Don't worry, my friends. I just express my current feeling here. For sure I will stand up and do better for it. This is another bad experience which had seriously taught me a lesson this afternoon:

BE PREPARED AND DO THE BEST!

我不是一个好领袖

以前的我， 是不可能当领袖的。 虽说我在中学时曾经当过委员会的执委，可是往往最高的位置不属于我。 就算给我， 我也不稀罕， 我宁愿是个副组长也不要当个负责安排工作， 发命令的组长， 我甘愿我还有上司， 所以若我在一所大公司工作， 我是不可能当总裁的。

在中学时期， 我当过最高的职位就是红新月会的副主席， 只可惜当时我偏偏遇上了不是很负责任的主席， 结果自己好像是执行了主席的工作， 不过给口令的是他啦，我的声音不足以让几十位站好位子的会员们听到我的口令。 当时， 我还记得我被选上接任这个职位时, 即将跟我合作的主席告诉我说: “宝琼，你知道你很容易被欺负吗？”到现在为止， 我还是搞不懂他如此告诉我的原因何在。 的确，当时我听了， 有点生气， 却又不能否认， 因为是事实， 我的确很容易被人欺负， 连我妈都这么说。

实际上， 当时的我也不算是很有才干的副主席啊。 多亏几位领导能力蛮强的执委们的帮忙， 我才能顺利度过不超过一年的痛苦皆优柔寡断的时期。 现在的我， 好像也是如此。 多数我无法自己做很多决定， 都是要纳取别人的意见才作决定， 但是往往都是来不及的。 我不懂怎样当机立断， 脑筋有时转得不够快， 多数是在旁朋友的提醒才会突然想通， 有时候的我还真是糊里糊涂啊!

不过，我从中却学习到主的好榜样， 那就是谦卑。 耶稣基督原本是上帝独生的儿子， 却道成肉身， 来到人世上， 去事奉别人， 甚至为了拯救世人而牺牲了自己。 他贬低自己的身份去服侍凡人， 从中我们会看到类似的信息：

We as the leaders are to serve people, not the people to serve us.

成为领袖， 成为领导者， 也是如此。 虽然我不够坚决， 但是如果大家有问题， 我会愿意去帮助你们， 愿意耐心解答你们心中的疑惑， 只是要懂得如何选择适当的时刻， 适合的方式， 这点我目前还在学习当中。 或许就是因为这样， 我常常会变成优柔果断的人吧！

总之， 真的很谢谢大家在我身旁支持着我。 我知道， 我爱先听取大家的意见， 有时大家真的愿意提出许多好点子， 而且大多数是比我的好很多， 虽然过程会花费了一些时间； 有时大家迁就我， 我要在此谢谢谢谢大家！在我未卸下责任之前， 还得麻烦大家再陪我以及你们身边有“高职”在身的朋友们走完这段短暂的旅程吧！

我反而在疑惑， 领导能力这么差的我， 以后怎么当带领一群天真无邪却顽皮捣蛋的小朋友啊？

Going Back To Normal Life Soon

One week break has come to the end.

Still, I am struggling with my 3 English essays now, in the midnight of Sunday.

Remember, there will be Sunday service this morning!

Suddenly, I forget about my Kemahiran Berfikir! Thanks God my friend asked me about it just now! I am still not finish my reflection for it, I am going to do this later...After I finish this, my KB assignment can be counted as FINISH! Go! Go! Go!

I admit, I am addicted with Internet again during this break. Facebook, Pet Society, blog...You know it when I spent time to decorate and update this blog. Moreover, SDO Season 2! Looks like I am crazy on it now, but my lappie will get in trouble when I played it for 1-2 hours. I am not sure the reason, can any specialist tell me the answer? That's why I wasted my time.

I'm going back to the normal life as a teacher trainee soon. There are homeworks and assignments for me to complete it. Come on, let's complete these difficult missions!

Pray for me, brothers and sisters, so that I will have myself self-disciplined, be more hardworking, more serious and more responsible on every job I do. Communication between God and myself has become lesser recently, please pray on this too.

Looks like I am going to good bye to this blog for a while, until I finish all my works. Let us just assume this as a punishment, a punishment for me because of wasting time during the break. My due date is on the second week of April, so see you all after that week!

Good luck to my friends who are busy finishing their assignments, no matter you are in the university, college or IPGM. God will always be with you!

Terrible + Wasting Break

Good morning everyone, the time now is 2.50am...
Yeah, I still not going to sleep yet, although I feel tired and a bit sleepy now...

I just don't know why I lost my spirit to do my assignments. I feel lazy to do them and I don't know why. Everyday I just wasted my time!

Until now, what had I do are:

1. Wrote 3/10 English essays
2. KB- Still not yet finish kemahiran berfikir secara kreatif & kemahiran membuat keputusan + advantages and weakness
3. Only did mind map for Public Speaking essay
4. Basic Math-still figure out suitable question
5. BC-Lots and I don't know what should I do!

And lots and lots! Oh gosh, what had happen to me?! Why am I so lazy? I am hardworking enough to hang out with my lappie and my streamyx, but lazy to deal with assignments although I use laptop and streamyx?? I want to cry already!!!

But yet, I still went to Sibu yesterday. Not to play, but to shop. Just shop for books and other needed stuffs...

Brandnew broadband HUAWEI E160E, costs RM 379, bought it at Delta Mall

English books from Popular bookstore in Delta Mall


Do I bought the wrong book? For those who know, can you tell me the answer? I don't know how to use it!

Today is Thursday now! What should I do? I already draw out my timetable but I didn't follow it at all! Why can't I restrict myself? Why can't I have discipline? WHY?! I don't want to burn midnight oil until sacrifice my sleeping time!!! I SWEAR I WON'T REPEAT THAT AGAIN! It is too SUFFERING!

Why am I so weak? God, why? What should I do? Is it too late if I restrict myself now? I really don't know.......

Sad~~~
Disappointed~~~

Love makes the world different · 爱让世界不一样

赞美之泉《沙漠中的赞美》--我们爱让世界不一样


你和我是天父爱的创造
每个人有最美的梦想
一路上彼此照亮，扶持拥抱
我们的爱让世界不一样

你和我是天父爱的创造
每个人有最美的梦想
一路上彼此照亮，扶持拥抱
我们的爱让世界不一样

我们爱因神先爱我们
虽你我不一样，我们一路唱
走往祝福的方向

我们爱因神先爱我们
心再坚强也不要独自飞翔
只要微笑，只要原谅
有你爱的地方就是天堂

Love, indeed can change the world
Love, indeed can makes the world different

Because of love
There are people who are not lonely anymore
Because of love
There are people who are not sad anymore

Without love
Parents will think to take care their children is only to fulfill their responsibility
Without love
Doctors and nurses will assume their job is only to treat sick patient
Without love
Teachers will only assume that is the way to earn money

The world today
somehow is not safe anymore
There are wars
There are violence

The world today
somehow is not lovely anymore
Although we have handphone, MSN, Skype....
We may not closer just like before
Although we have higher technology for treatment
There are more complicated diseases pop out

The world today
somehow is not beautiful anymore....

Let the LOVE shows its power
Let us hand in hand, support each other
To help to decorate the world
So that the world can be safe, lovely and beautiful again!

Come on brothers and sisters
Together we spread the seed of love to every corner of the world
Let the world is full of plant of love

这只是配合今天少年主日的主题：“爱让世界不一样”， 配合传道的分享， 配合歌词中的信息所拟下的英文分享。 算诗吗？ 我也不知道。

爱的力量是何等地强大， 尤其是从上帝来的爱。

我们爱， 因神先爱我们。

大家一起把爱的种子撒落在世界的每一个角落， 让我们的爱改变这个世界吧！

将一切荣耀献给主， 哈里路亚， 阿们！

解剖自己

人
总是不能了解自己
明明知道自己的内心里还有一个“自己”
却不认识这个“自己”
往往都不会听到“自己”的声音
其实是自己没有察觉是谁的心声

多么地想拿起手术刀
朝向自己的内心世界
一刀解剖它
探讨里面又是什么样的内容
或许可以藉此良机
来更深一层地了解另一个“自己”

到底第二个自己又是怎样的一个“自己”呢？
是否能应验《三字经》的“人之初，性本善”呢？

多么地渴望能够得知里面的“自己”的想法、思想
这样
外面的自己就不必再举棋不定了
自己的身份就能得着确认
包括自己的人格、思想、人为
尚幼的年轻人就不用在茫茫人海的世界中继续摸索自己

多么希望
自己可以和心里的自己有个很好的交流会

逃避

一旦问题发生后， 我们该怎么办？是不是应当坐下来好好讨论， 好好沟通，然后找出最佳的良方？

可是，为什么要逃避？问题始终都已经存在了， 难道不想办法去解决它吗？ 逃避又是为了什么？

因为很辛苦， 所以才逃避？

因为很难熬， 所以才想尽办法远离这一切？

逃避始终不是解决的方法， 你都不肯听我继续说，你都不愿和我坐下来好好讨论， 甚至说了几句类似吓我、 威胁我的话， 这到底是为什么？

或许你一时之间不能冷静下来， 那好吧， 我给彼此时间好好冷静下来， 希望下次我们商量这件事的时候， 你不要再拔腿就跑， 问题依旧还是要解决， 继续拖泥带水， 事情会变得越来越糟糕……

说实话， 我为这件事觉得好累， 好累， 累得很痛苦， 哭了一整晚， 我还是很累， 累得很想说：“算了吧！” 可是， 不解决的话， 事情一定会越来越严重……

真后悔当初没有好好解决它……

美丽的错误？

刚才上课分析 《错误》， 作者郑愁予说，那个错误是美丽的错误……

美丽的错误是怎样的？错误是如何的美丽呢？

只因误会归来的是自己的爱人，其实只不过是过客？

我无法体会， 我无法想象， 因为现在的我连自己所喜欢的人是谁都不清楚， 我无法去演绎诗里的女主角， 无法体会她那所谓的心情， 还记得当时的心情是杂乱得不得了……

美丽的错误， 很矛盾的词语， 怎样的错误才是美丽的呢？

Grandparents' House

Grandpa's and grandma's house was sold out this morning. Dad and mum went back to take back some stuff as the house is going to become pieces of woods and stones. For more than 10++years, the house has been built and now, it is going to be not a house anymore. There is nobody live there since grandma has left us forever.

That yellow concrete with wooden upstairs house has been one of my memories. That is the house where I spent my childhood. That is the house where all of the relatives gather together every Chinese New Year. My mother, my aunties have married in that house. A lot of grandchildren including me and my other siblings have been taken care there when we were still babies. That house is not only in my memory, it is also in others memories.

I still remember, I always played with my cousins there. My cousins lived near to grandparents' house. Every weekend, my family will back to that house to deal with pepper, durian trees, rambutan trees...My sister and I will play a lot of games with my 4 cousins. We are like brothers and sisters although we do not have the same parents. We ran here and there, went to the garden and so on. It is the sweetest memory I even had in my childhood......

Every Chinese New Year, all of us will back to that house. Of course my family will arrive there first because we lived in Julau that time, it only needs 1 hour journey, unlike my other relatives who live in Brunei and Miri that time. We were excited to wait for them to come back and that is one of my excitement during Chinese New Year. We could play fire crackers although it is banned as we are in the village. You can also experience a lot of Chinese traditional customs as my grandma was used to it...That time, I love Chinese New Year so much.

I had a dream on it when I still young. I wish to bring my partner, my life-partner someday to visit my grandparents' house and tell him this is the place I enjoyed my childhood, this is the place I experience village life, this is the place to make me use to village life and it causes me to fall in love in village life. I prefer village life than life in busy big city, such as in KL.

However, it finally becomes a dream, just a unfulfilled dream forever, the house becomes nothing anymore starts this morning......

I will always remember that house, forever in my life......